Good-looking Options: A reason to say "Who cares!"

My girl on the back-burner, burned. Left her back there too long and she scorched. It's happened before, but it was usually with women I wasn't really interested in - in the first place. Some friend of a friend that thought I was cute, or a little sister of a girl I thought was cute... or yeah... "just some girl." When that was the case I had no problem stringing them out and then shrugging when they got tired of it. This time I left a good one on the hook a little too long. Too-tall Tami's number is officially retired, and I left her dead like Disco. Not Elvis dead, where you think you see him down the aisle at Kroger at 3 AM. "Is that Elvis checking out a can of corn?" "Maybe that's me and Too-tall back together again in a few weeks?" Nope. I made sure this one was dead like Disco Duck.

Now how did this happen? Well I'm sad to say I basically got tired of feeling guilty. I have my brother trying to set me up with this fine looking friend of his wife's, and I got this girl I met a while back at Compound calling me out of the blue for... yeah. This has been a really good set of weeks for your humble narrator. Not my usual brand of fortune at all (which isn't shabby at that). But this run has been a good one. So I was going to take advantage of this and I thought Tami was telling the truth when she said she was cool with the "arrangement." Heh... Jackass. So after increasingly more frequent arguments in which I later hung up the phone knowing I was to blame, I called it off. Tired of feeling guilty. We had sparks, but nothing so bright I didn't see the other stars out there. And oh boy did I end it. Not by admitting I was wrong, ohh no friends. Ladies and gentlemen I give you the softer side of Blake, and the straw that broke the Back-burner's back... AHEM...

"If you hadn't pressured me into that bullshit family lunch or brunch or whatever the hell it was, we wouldn't be here right now."

Thank you.

Where did that come from? That wasn't even a sound and justified "flip" of the argument. That was just... freaking... mean. Phone arguments are the worse. Someone is going to hangup and then not call back. Or if they call back, someone isn't going to answer. And even if they call back to apologize for hanging up, the other person is going to be so pissed that they got hung up on, that they don't want to hear it. So then we gotta throw something back that is equally as insulting as the hang-up and thus the cycle continues until you get really great make-up sex, or call it quits... Yeah, I'll take my chances this time.

So I only have one regret and that's that I was such a prick. That, and I'm sure it'll be a few spins at the wheel until I find another good girl that will put up with me. Now...

Can I tell you about this fine looking girl my sister-in-law hooked me up with! I'm telling you, having a married younger brother is a sweet deal. Even in the occasional doldrums of dating, you always have that sister-in-law wanting to set you up. She doesn't even like me, but if I'm going to be at her house anyway, she might as well make some introductions so that I'm there with someone she DOES like.

So, Diana is sort of a girly-girl and I can work with that, but I gotta get a feel for what that means in her case. Lots of girly-girls out there, some pounding bibles and some pounding shots... we can't assume anything yet. So two Friday's back we hit Dad's Garage for improv. Now, I think improv is kinda campy, but they're good there and it's a way I can see if I'm dealing with a depression session or someone who enjoys laughing. Good first date litmus. They are doing this "Ask Dr. Frapple," thing right now where you shout out "personal problems" and the group diagnoses you and so on. This gives me a chance to be the "good" sort of "idiot" and have some fun at my own expense without being held responsible if she doesn't respond well. I like walking that line with women. I know so many guys that just think "acting like a bad ass" is going to get them somewhere. And on the other end you have the dudes that go so far out there it's just painful to watch. I'll get a little ridiculous and then bring it back. That kinda "keep you laughing, keep you turned on" game is fun for me. Great sex never came after "you're hilarious, you remind me of my brother." Diana passed the litmus. Game on.

The show is a pretty late one, so we got out closer to Midnight than not. Another good thing about Dad's for first-second dates is that you get out late but you're kinda wired, so no heading home yet. Since Atlanta formally closed Buckhead (after I freaking moved there... what's that all about?) I've been experimenting around the city (Remind me to give my recommendations sometime.) Right now I'm liking Midtown. Loca Luna has a great Brazilian band that plays late on Fridays and the mood is good for when you're arriving with the same person you hope to be leaving with. (Side note, I just discovered this place... and I'm the one supposed to be giving advice here...) It's got the loud areas and the quiet areas. I hate yelling in bars... I freaking hate it. You sound like a jackass, and you can hardly be subtle. So anyplace that offers a patio, or a corner, or something secluded, while not drifting into "corny romantic" is a good thing.
At Loca Luna I learned that Diana wants to go back to school and become a teacher - Noble. Reads a lot - Smart. Likes dogs - Kind Hearted. And Hates cats - Perfect. We talked a lot about my brother's marriage through our respective lenses and I made sure to listen and take mental notes for future dates to come. See... I exploit the fact that you think we don't remember stuff. We can forget 13 "important things" (Where you went to school, your birthday... your last name...) if we remember one stupid "little thing" about you ("You wore that necklace the second time we ever went out."). Devious-ness. I'll collect them like baseball cards.

Bottom line, I like her. We've been out two more times since, and it's hardly dull yet. We'll see what happens.

Let us know you're into us, we don't like the whole "tease thing." But don't start chasing. Walk that line carefully, but walk it. Don't move too far one way or another in the opening months, because we'll either prematurely decide it isn't worth it, or leap into something we'll regret not having thought out later down the line. I had convinced myself I was going to slow down and try to work something out with Tami "The-Girl-that-Wanted-More." I don't think I wanted that at all, and I wrote a whole article on it. Even though she didn't really "pressure" me into anything, I had to make a choice. Whether it was right or wrong? Well I know what the mass majority will say... But with good-looking options... I can worry about that later.

Blake would like to remind you that he has been rather thoughtful and sensitive in past articles. He would ask that you forgive him his temporary bout of cockiness arguing, "Hey, it was due... I have a penis don't I?" He would also like to apologize for having just used his penis as an excuse for acting like a prick... um... The point being, he realizes that he will most likely be "kicking his own ass" sooner rather than later.

Thanksgiving Day Guilt: The Trouble with Good Girls

Maybe I'm a hypocrite, but I want a do-over!

A few weeks back I was so proud of myself. Oh boy, was I gleaming! I had decided to single out the “good girls.” The ones with “values.” The girls who “got it.” Well now I’m not getting it and I got nothing but my own preening to blame. I’ve lived a pretty fun life up until now, but I can honestly say that Thanksgiving 2007 will tend to stick out like something Fido left in the snow.

I had decided that I would stop disappointing this girl Tami. (Yeah she has been a steady and respectable back burner since we began this romp a few months back.) She has steadfastly chased me and I have continuously reminded her that I wasn’t looking for anything serious. She always answers “Oh God, I know. Me neither!” I believed her. Idiot.

She knew I was going out, seeing other women, and she tended to be fine with that. I assumed she was doing the same. Idiot. She didn’t live in the city yet, and we only saw each other every few weeks. But somehow along the way, her move to Atlanta was involving me a lot more that I figured it would. Don’t get me wrong. She was going to move here regardless. But I heard a lot more of, “Well I can’t wait until I get down there so we can (insert couple-like action).” Hmm… I’m not thinking about “us” this often. There isn’t really an “us” to think about.

How can I derail this thought process? Well, she’s finishing up grad school and there’s going to be a lot on her plate, so I tried deflective comments like “Well you’ll probably want to focus on looking for a job/apartment/life. January could be kinda hard for um… yeah… all that stuff.” (I’m not even sure what the hell that means. I’m just trying to intercept some dangerous conversation paths here.) Her answer is painfully simple. “Family.” She’ll be working for her family, staying with her family, and focused on helping her family’s business. Wow. That is really… family orientated of her. A “good girl,” a girl with “values,” and a girl who “gets it.” Is this an Asian thing? Because it’s definitely a scary thing.

And then she makes the move (figuratively and literally), and the whole “values” thing I was harping on the week before, firmly harpoons me in the ass. “Let’s have Thanksgiving Brunch with my folks.”

“Um… huh?”

“Nothing serious, not like dinner or anything. They just want to meet you. In and out, like an hour. It’s a Japanese thing.” (I’m getting flashes of like, Papa-san ninja-ing me in half for having “tainted his daughter.”) This is an impossible situation. And yeah, I’m screwed.

My Options as they came to me that faithful evening:
Response 1: “Um… that’s a little much isn’t it?”
Outcome 1: “Why do you always think this is more than what it is!? I understand the whole ‘not serious’ thing. I’m tired of hearing it.” And…. fight.

Response 2: “Um… I can’t, I’m with family that morning.”
Outcome 2: “But you hate your family.” And I’m lying… and she knows it…. and… guilt.

Response 3: “Um… That kind of family introduction thing isn’t something I really do.”
Outcome 3: “It’s something I have to do. They are already asking about this guy I’m spending time with when I’m in town. It’s important to me. Why can’t you just give them like an hour?” And…. I’m stuck.

So I’m having Thanksgiving Brunch with Tami’s family. Yeah, bombard me with the “shouldas” and the “couldas” now. Mom’s smiling a lot, but not saying much. The two sisters, both married with children, are going nonstop and asking me all kind of pointed questions, they don’t really like me. Dad’s just as uncomfortable as I am. I’m struggling to find small talk and failing miserably. And for the first time in my life I wish I was with my family… and I hate my family.

This sucks. I’m only dating women who hate their families from now on.

I can’t be here, we aren’t to this level yet. I really could care less what her family thinks of me at this point. Can we just get back to the fun stuff? You were already winning out because of the “good girl” points, you were moving down to the city, and the sex was becoming increasingly better.

It’s not her fault, I know that. I’m not so clueless that I didn’t see her chasing. (I’m honestly not even worth a brisk jog.) But what I was looking for and what she was telling me was no where near what she was really thinking.

The awkwardness of that morning led to a fight the next day. My vacation weekend was spotted with calls or text messages accusing me of “not knowing what I want.” “I don’t get you.” “Why can’t you just let things happen?” I thought I was! That was my game plan for a while. Total disclosure. No leading-on. Nothing serious from day one… when I um… yeah… slept with another girl the night after. Damn. Well, ask a guy to be honest right?

So here I am. I went out this past weekend with this girl my sister-in-law set me up with and I got a message on my phone from Tami. The first in a week. “I’m sorry. What are you doing?” Guilt. I’m doing guilt now thank you very much. I was hoping to be doing something else in the next few hours but now I’m back to guilt.

Pretty weird huh? Before Thanksgiving 2007 I wasn’t guilty when I was out with someone else. I wasn’t lying to her. I was honest and up front about it. Now I kinda want to lie. I’m not going to; I can’t really do that sort of thing to women anymore. But see what the “good girls” are capable of? Freaking hypocrite.