Well it’s been a while, and a lot has been going on. Halloween has been giving Atlanta tons of opportunities to get out and find new friends for the cell phone. This is my favorite time of year for a million reasons, one of which is the “Mardi Gras-like” atmosphere this city seems to have for Halloween. And I have to say that the season was going along pretty strong, until about a week and a half ago when I got utterly derailed.
So there’s a certain dream we all have at some point in life. It’s been made fun of in almost every sit-com I can think of. (Clean thoughts people) I am talking about the “naked-in-high school dream,” or maybe the “haven’t-studied-for-the-test dream,” or maybe both at the same time, which is the worst version yet! You can be 16 years old, 45, or even 85 in a rocking chair and you’ll still bolt straight up in a cold sweat to this ever-ticking time bomb. That time of his life was a long ago for grandpa, but he’ll still give a shiver from out of his nap and tell you “there must be a draft in here.” No it was the dream. He totally just had it. Well there’s another event I can think of that can elicit this same sort of muscle seizing cold sweat reaction across the board, and it happened to me the other weekend and I’m still reeling from it. I ran into one of the ex-girlfriends. ::Bump Bump Baaaaaahhh…::
Now sometimes the Ex-Factor can be a nothing issue. It all depends on the how you ran into them. Like if you’re with someone way more attractive than the Ex. Or maybe they are with someone way uglier than you. Maybe you both run into each other by yourselves and just don’t feel anything. Who knows? Regardless, even if it’s not life changing, it’s a little shock to your Saturday. One of those, “I can’t believe that just happened,” moments. So I was at a Halloween festival a few weekends ago with a friend of mine. I’m a little groggy from the night before, but in a pretty good mood. Kids are running around, people are laughing, it’s a fun Saturday. Then I see her and who she’s with and I’m forced to make that split-second decision. Do I say “hey?” Do I let her walk by? Or do I make like Oscar and hide in that trash can until the storm passes. Well I’m no Muppet. I said hello.
Ships didn’t pass in the night, these were like jet skis, it was like “Hey, wow, what are you doing here, I’m here with my co-worker, have a great day, bye.” I didn’t know I could cram such lame small talk into a single sentence. She had been with her new boyfriend and obviously felt as awkward as I did. I turned around to my friend and she just shook her head. “What the hell was that,” she says to me. “What was what,” I say, still recovering from the exchange. “Co-worker? You lame ass,” she says. “You’re married,” I say! “Oh Jesus! I just meant you sounded like an idiot.” Damn… she’s right. I did sound like an idiot. I think I’m sounding like one right now.
And so I did exactly what the Book of Man forbids. I started thinking about calling the Ex. The worst Ex you can run into is the one where it didn’t end badly. This was one of those breakups where harsh words were never exchanged. It was a “bad timing” kind of thing. Those are mentally exhausting when you run into them later down the road. I think a lot of times a guy will be a severe ass leading up to the end just to help the break have some finality. If we make it more of a spiral fracture than a clean break, maybe we’ll never have second thoughts. That’s usually when we’ve decided it’s over long before you have. We’ll do that or just stop answering the phone. That’s another easy way out we’ll work. And this isn’t only a “young mans” disease. I heard about this happening to a couple in their late 30s – early 40s at my office. Immaturity can come at any age, and sometimes we’ll just spontaneously derail onto that track.
This relationship didn’t end like any of those nastier ones. I stung her once, she stung me once, and then we tried to remain friends. Yeah that failed. But I had actually stayed in a good position with this one. I had tried to make it work on the friend-level, I just couldn’t really keep it up. There is one key aspect of the “guy/girl friendship” that’s missing. Sometimes not having that aspect continue is alright, most of the time with me it isn’t.
So now it’s six months later and it’s all rushing back. Let me explain my current situation, because up until that Saturday I was feeling pretty good. I am still seeing this girl we call Tami who lives outside Atlanta. It’s going well and we’re having fun, nothing serious yet. I’m in a great mood because it’s October and every weekend is packed with opportunity. Even the night before the Ex-Factor occurred, I had got a date out of a girl I met at Compound. Which I might add, I have never done before. The clientele there can be a little tricky to work. Definitely a place you can’t show up to alone and you better pack some luck for the trip. So high spirits all around. Why was this affecting me. Jet skis remember? Quick and painless right? No.
And did I call her? Yes. We talked for a little while and it was cool, I mentioned I had been doing some traveling for work. She mentioned she was going to the same place I had just been visiting for a Christmas vacation type thing. With family? Nope. With the new boyfriend. Fantastic. Now I’m jealous over a girl I haven’t thought about in months going somewhere with I guy I could care less about. How does this stuff happen? It’s out of our control. An Ex can ruin your day or even your week.
We want to get jealous sometimes. Maybe we just want to get angry. It comes from the ego burn we take at seeing you happy (or at least we imagine happy) with some guy that isn’t us. That should affect my day in absolutely no way whatsoever, but instead it has me shaking my head all week. I may not understand be able to get why that happens, but I do know I’ll try to go easy on any girl I’m seeing when she runs into her own Ex-Factor. Because that little shock can affect us across the board. The natural response is that unfounded jealousy that will ruin your day, or at least your evening with whoever you’re with. I lucked out this time and was with a friend of mine. What would have happened if I had this blindside me while out with Tami? Or the Compound girl? It could’ve been bad folks.
Cute story. My grandfather recently went to his 50-something high school reunion. Now back in the day, he was apparently known to “cut-a-little-rug.” The dance was “The Shag” and it was apparently how he rolled. Now he was so good in his day that he was in dance competitions with this girl he had a huge crush on and dated for a while. They won these things with their seductive and risqué moves courtesy of “The Shag.” (This was before the Swinging Sixties and Austin Powers gave it that other meaning.) Now all these years later he is happily married to my grandmother (not Mrs. Shag-tastic). They’re at this reunion and he sees Mrs. Shag-tastic for the first time in a long time. He asks her to dance. (Scandalous trouble brewing right?) My grandmother is pretty cool about that kind of thing and lets him have his dance. She knows who he’s going home with tonight haha.
As he’s telling me this story he gets a grin on his own face. “You know, that girl had me wrapped up on her for years and years. And while I was dancing with her all I could think about was how much I wanted the song to end so I could dance with your grandmother.” It only took half a century, three kids, and a happy healthy retirement for him to lose that Ex-Factor reaction. Maybe I’ll go easier on mine.
